Breadcrumbing: Digital Dating Bad Behavior

 

Breadcrumbing: untrustworthy looking guy is texting“…cheer up, things could get worse. So I cheered up and sure enough, things got worse.” – James Hagerty

You know how sometimes, someone says stuff better than you ever could?

If James Hagerty had been referring to digital dating and tacky breakups, he would have nailed it. Suppose you survived ghosting a millennial term that describes a guy you met on a dating app or website, who suddenly vanishes without a trace – and you ‘cheered up’. Then, you hook up with a different guy, on Tinder or Bumble, who started breadcrumbing you and sure enough, things got worse.

Buzz about Breadcrumbing is splashed all over the internet. Although, it is frequently referred to as the new ghosting, while the ghost totally disappears from your life, breadcrumbers pay you just enough attention, via the occasional vague text message, to foster false hope.

Where the ghost is a wimpy coward, who prefers to not face confrontations, the breadcrumber is an ego driven, selfish attention seeker, who wants to have his cake and eat it too. And, sweetie, all you’ll end up with are crumbs.

How Does Breadcrumbing Work?

In the breadcrumber’s estimation, you’re not his only, you’re just his lonely. Breadcrumber will contact you when he’s lonely and bored. Because he accumulates women like some people collect stamps, he always keeps a spare female on standby.

This unacceptable relationship behavior is not new, only the name has changed. In essence, breadcrumbing is about leading someone on with no intention of forming a healthy relationship. It is most prevalent in online dating situations where people hook-up on dating apps or websites.

After an initial barrage of flirty messages, breadcrumbers slow things down and only contact you once in a while to sustain your false expectations of a real relationship.

Know This: This guy is totally narcissistic and your response to bland texts, such as, “Hey, how’ya doing?” feeds his ego.

What are Signs of Breadcrumbing?

Speaks in Emojis

He may as well be talking in tongues. What in the heck does it mean when a message pops in your mailbox with nothing but emojis? A guy who doesn’t use his words is either lazy or saving his sweet nothings for someone else. If you are compelled to respond, make it short, like LOL.

He Resorts to Radio Silence

Even brief replies seem to satiate him. Then, he’ll go on radio silence until next time. When you least expect it, he’ll send another nonsensical text, which translates to his need for a little ego stroking. Because you’ve encouraged him to assume you are ready and waiting for this idiotic type of communication.

Drop-Ins Welcome…Or, Not

We’ve all seen sweet signs in the window of a business welcoming drop-ins. Seriously, Sugar Lump would you post one in your front yard? Yet, Breadcrumber keeps you dangling like a puppet, when he drops-in with a sporadic message and drops right back out again.

Know this: Guys who are interested in getting to know the real you want to spend face-time together.

He’s a Fraidy-cat

Fraidy-cats are a different breed of breadcrumbers. The first clue is that they agree to meet in person and actually show up. For whatever reason, he doesn’t wish to pursue a relationship. But, because he’s so timid, he won’t tell you it’s over. Although he won’t call or continue to volley text messages, he will send you an occasional breadcrumb.

Know This: This guy should be exhausted from dragging his one-night stands, digital dates, etc. behind him. He means no harm, but he’s afraid to let go and keeps hoping you will.

He’s a Master at Digital Manipulation

When you first connected on a digital dating site, he bombarded you with flirtatious messages. Yet, he never commits to a real-life date. When the ‘honeymoon’ phase is over (for him), his communications change to a slow trickle.

He’ll allude to a future event, such as, “I’ll take to see that sometime.” But, this guy has zero follow-through. If you question his intentions, the deep silent period begins.

Just when you’ve given up, he’ll start sending the occasional inane message.

Know This: This is the form of digital manipulation, known as breadcrumbing.

The Over & Out of Breadcrumbing

Wise on up, buttercup. You’re deluding yourself if you believe a digital attachment and real relationship are the same. You and Breadcrumber aren’t on the same page about dating expectations, you’re not even reading the same book. You put your emotional self out there and he could give a care. Oh, he’ll feed you the occasional morsel consisting of little smiley faces or super-short messages merely to keep your attention flowing toward him.

You’re not in an authentic relationship; you’re in a digital hostage situation. Realizing it was over before it began, will create space for a real relationship. Believe us, you don’t owe that breadcrumbing, piece of work anything.

Resist your impulse to send him a “break up” message. Ignore further crumbs courtesy of Breadcrumber Just tell yourself – I’m so outta here.

You’re too good for that. You don’t deserve to be his plan B, backup person or afterthought. Now, flick the lights on in your cute little head. Flip your hair and smile at the gorgeous guy across the room, who has been watching you, watching him. The Universe likely sent him to fill up the vacuum you created by dumping the breadcrumber.

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