Ghosting

 

You’ve Just Been Ghosted! WTF?

Ghosting is a Millennial dating term for the tacky, cowardly way some dudes (and dudettes) cut all lines of communication with the other person.Ghosting - a women with phone appears upset. ‘Ghosts’ dislike personal confrontations concerning reasons they want out of the relationship. It’s easier for them to evaporate into the ether, especially in the anything-goes-world of online dating.

Ghosts a.k.a. Houdini’s of dating, vanish, rematerialize, fade away, re-emerge and so on. When he surfaces from wherever he’s been and asks you for a date, be warned, he’ll disappear again – like magic.

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How Does Ghosting Work in Online Dating?

In the anonymous world of online dating, ghosting appears an acceptable mentality among people on apps such as Tinder, OkCupid and Coffee Meets Bagel. If you haven’t experienced online ghosting, be blessed, but be aware, it could happen to you.

Here’s a typical online scenario:

You connect with a potential romantic interest. You and he click immediately. After several days of texting back and forth, he invites you to dinner. You accept. He doesn’t show up. You never hear from him again.

Tag! You’ve Just Been Ghosted!

Does Ghosting Happen in Face-to-Face Relationships?

People on dating apps, didn’t invent the act of ghosting. The cowardly act simply didn’t have a catchy name. Before the advent of cell phones, women waited by the phone for the call that never came.

But, back in the day, when you met an interesting guy, he was likely in your circle of friends. After a couple of dates, he might act nonchalant toward you in social situations, even quit calling without an explanation. But he couldn’t ghost you. Because you could always inquire about him through a mutual friend.

However, due to the prevalence of online communication, millennials have apparently tossed out their handbooks on Dating Etiquette…providing they ever had one.

Ghosters find it easy to swipe someone out of their life that they met through an online dating site. And it doesn’t seem to matter whether the connection progressed to real life dating.

So, girlees, be aware, it could happen to you, even after several dates. If a guy you met on the internet wants to vamoose, he will just do it.

Are There Signs When Someone is About to Ghost You?

Yes indeedy! From subtle to blatant, signs will manifest, when someone is fixing to ghost you.

He Suddenly Gets Busy

Guys getting ready to check out are inclined to be cowards who shirk responsibility and forget common courtesy. It’s easier to make a flimsy excuse than to man-up with truth, such as, “This relationship isn’t working for me”.

He Quits Initiating Messages

When you’re the only one reaching out, consider it a sign he’s suddenly too busy to communicate with you. Chances are, he’s busy making plans and you’re not included.

He Forgot to Return Your Call

He calls or texts sporadically just to keep you dangling. If you ask why he didn’t return your calls, messages, texts, etc. he’ll claim that he forgot, because he’s been too busy.

Seriously? He’s a schmuck, who will ghost you when he finds someone else.

He Ends Conversations Brusquely

When you talk on the phone, it’s obvious he is not invested in the conversation. He’ll either respond with the occasional, obligatory - yes, no, hmmm – or terminate the connection, while you are in mid-sentence.

Don’t make mental excuses for him, like he’s probably just too busy to talk. He’s about to ghost you.

He Evades Making Future Plans with You

Whether it’s dinner and a movie Saturday night or your parent’s anniversary six months from now, a ghost doesn’t embrace making future plans. He’ll plead that he is too busy or he may sound excited, but won’t be accountable for following through.

And please, please, please do not say “Yes!” in response to his occasional 2 am text message, “Can I come over?”.

Translation: Bars are closed and he didn’t hook-up with anyone.

He is not interested in a relationship with you, just a casual fling.

He Bans You from His Social Media

When a guy you’re ‘dating’ online deletes you from each and every one of his social media accounts, it’s his in-your-face, full-court press, method of ghosting. Finally, he deactivates his dating apps, such as Tinder, thus effectively halting your attempts to reach out to him.

You are now a card-carrying member of the “I Got Ghosted” club!

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When Something Feels So Right - How Can it Go So Wrong?

When you get ghosted, your first thought is that you must have done something wrong. Otherwise, why would a guy dump you without a word? Chances are slim to none that the ghostee did something wrong, when ghostings result from online connections.

It’s not your fault.

Try to quit dwelling on something you never really experienced in real life, or else, it could trigger those old feelings of abandonment. If you totally must have a reason, pick one:

He adores the thrill of the chase. Once he could see that you were getting into the ‘relationship’, his adrenaline quit spiking and he got bored.
He’s an emotionally immature jerk, who chose not to deal with your emotions. It was easier to disappear.
He didn’t have the life skills to face confrontations. It was easier to vanish.
No doubt, there are more reasons, but all roads lead to relationship’s end. Every minute you spend wondering what happened is a minute of your life you will never get back.

How Do I Deal?

Realize you were involved in a disposable relationship, with a bad-mannered, poor communicator lacking not only in social skills, but in common decency. Since you can’t find him, you obviously will be denied any chance for closure. It won’t happen instantly, but one day you will consider yourself lucky, because:

Ghosts make lousy marriage material.

Your self-esteem takes the fall…if you let it. Instead, blame it on your subconscious mind. You see, lovies, if you believe it, your subconscious mind sets about to get it for you. Your intellect knows that you were just in crazy-love. Or, with the idea of love.

You couldn’t possibly love a guy you’ve never met! Or, if you did meet in person, the relationship was of short duration. Now, it’s your business to practice positive self-talk (and a little retail therapy). Tell Subconscious: If he don’t want me, I don’t want him.

Say it again and again. If he don’t want me, I don’t want him.

Let Subconscious do its work.

If you’re still wondering whether you did something to cause a ghosting episode, take a hard look at yourself.

  • Are you a frequent recipient of ghosting?
  • Do most of your ‘relationships’ revolve around apps such as Hinge or Tinder?
  • Did his text messages keep getting shorter?
  • Did your telephone conversations begin to consist of ‘elevator talk’? (Elevator talk involves impersonal topics you might discuss with a stranger in an elevator.)Your answers will nudge you in the right direction. Remember: if you refuse to be a ghost-magnet, you’ll quit attracting cowardly losers.

Note: If you answered, “yes” to question number two, sounds like it’s time to put yourself out there and meet your potentials in real life.

 

shadow-ornament

 

Are Ghosting and the Male Pull-Away the Same?

 

Sort of, but not really. In general, ghosting is a result of technology. Meeting someone through a dating app or online dating website creates a fairytale environment. Odds are against an authentic relationship. Text messages and phone calls are frequent, until unaccountably, all forms of communication from his end stop.

Take small comfort in knowing you weren’t the only one who got ghosted. For example, the March 2016 Fortune reported results of a survey on ghosting conducted by Plenty of Fish. Bottom line:

“78% of single Millennials – or people on the site between ages of 18 and 33 – have been ghosted at least once.”

http://fortune.com/2016/03/28/millennial-singles-ghosting/

Ghosting is cowardly. Where ghosts have cold hearts, men who pull away have cold feet. The “pull-away” is a classic male response to fear.

1. Take Art. He and Sandra had been exclusive for eight months. She was fun to be around; sweet like Southern tea. They were comfortable together and she never complained about his nights out with the guys. Sound idyllic?

Art was a mess inside. Things were too good to be true. He kept waiting for something to go wrong. He pulled away to give himself time to think.

Art will come back if Sandra allows him the space he needs.

2. Barry and Lynda were also exclusive, to the point friends hyphenated their names in conversations, such as “Barry-Lynda just walked in”. He was a lucky son-of-a-gun. Lynda was cute, charming and smart.

Then, out of the blue, Lynda said the two words all men dread, “Let’s talk.”

Barry was the product of a broken home and one marriage that ended in divorce. Deathly afraid of commitment, Barry pulled away.

He’ll likely come back if he can separate the past from the present.

Ladies take note, your guy may not be as strong on the inside as he appears on the outside. You’ll seldom know the extent of his fears, because men don’t like sharing emotions.

We’ve shown you two of the top reasons why men pull away, but there are oodles of others.

Shall we agree that the male DNA is encoded to retreat when dealing with relationship issues?

Internet ghosts deliberately take the cowardly way out and pull the vanishing act. The pull-away is a typical reaction when a man needs time and space to deal with relationship issues.

So, while others assume ghosting and the male pull-away are the same, we contend they are definitively-different.

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