Ready To Improve Your Internet Dating Experience?
In our crazy-busy society, online dating is the new norm. The old ways of finding a romantic connection no longer work.
Who has energy to hang around organic vegetables at a natural food market after working 12 hour days? And when was the last time you met a gorgeous guy at the off-price book shop?
So, like millions of other lonely hearts, you took courage in hand and signed up with an online dating service. But where is all the excitement and fun you were supposed to experience?
If you’re thinking you’d rather watch popsicles freeze to online dating, don’t give it up until it’s all said and done.
We’ve got a lot to say and you’ve got a lot to do to improve your online dating know-how.
Ladies – Start Your Online Dating Profile - But Where?
To improve (or start) your online dating experience, it's essential to post your profile on the right site.
Here are the current Top 5 Online Dating Sites, according to Consumer Rankings.
- Zoosk.com placed at #1. Why they are different: They promise a "personalized experience" due to a cutting-edge, SmartPick™. Rather than wading through profiles, their "behavioral matchmaking technology" brings viable matches to you.
- Match.com is #2 and boasts "more dates, relationships and marriages" than other online dating sites. Why they are different: They provide five compatible matches every day.
- In the #3 slot, OurTime.com caters to mature demographics. Why they are different: Dubbed an intuitive online dating service, OurTime supplies stats on "who's flirted with you, who's 'favorited' you and who's viewed your profile".
- The well-known eHarmony.com is in the #4 spot. Why they are different: they pride themselves on 29 "Dimensions of Capability". Something's obviously working here, as eHarmony stats show 44,000 weddings among their members each year.
- EliteSingles nailed the #5 ranking. Why they are different: "Ideal" for serious, sophisticated singles, ranging from 20's to 50+. Labor intensive personality test and dear sign-up fees guarantee an "authentic, no-frills dating experience".
If you prefer specialized sites, here are various options:
- Meet compatible pet people at Must Love Pets.
- If your ideal guy must love vegetables, head on over to the "meatless meet market" at Veggie Connection.
- Believe in living Green? Check out eco-friendly Green Singles.
- Unite with other Christians at Christian Mingle.
- JDate is the place for Jewish internet daters.
- At SilverSingles.com, everybody's over 50.
Compatibility and Congeniality
- Vroom, vroom! Find your May/December romance at CougarLife where over 35 women seek younger men.
Or, if you're a Sugar Baby seeking a Sugar Daddy, go to Sugar Sugar.
Online Dating Tips 101
Be a Purple Cow
Seth Godin, marketing authority, coined the phrase, "Be a purple cow." It means to make certain you stand out from the crowd.
If you've read many online dating articles, you've likely met up with Debbie Downer. She's the one who believes all the good ones are married, that available men prefer bimbos to intelligent women. She's overweight and thinks men only want thin women.
If you see a glimmer of Ms. Downer in yourself, it's time to re-imagine your attitude.
Online dating is about possibilities. Where else could you find so many men in so little time? Online dating is a numbers game. Get your head in the game.
Develop a winning attitude.
Start by eliminating negative thoughts. Absolutes like never and always are self-limiting. When you think lack and limitation, that's what you manifest in your life.
Be a purple cow! Be a man magnet! Attract the type man you want. Accentuate your good qualities. Be your authentic self.
You could study under a guru for years, or you can start loving your beautiful self now. Basically, that's it. Love yourself.
It's All About Profiles and Pictures
If your profile and picture aren't kicking it, you aren't standing out from the crowd. Let's see what we can do to get you some well deserved attention.
Professional portraits are best; selfies debatable. A good quality, tasteful picture will help to attract men, while the grainy photo your brother-in-law shot at a family reunion will be a throw-back.
Post one current headshot and several total body pictures on your profile. Advisors at eHarmony say you'll be "nine times more likely to get communication" when your profile contains pictures. They found the majority of inquiries were received by people who posted four (or more) pictures.
Dialing up the sex factor in your photos is not the best idea you ever had. Shall we just agree that trashy is not tres chic?
Keep these points in mind when planning your perfect photo-op:
Put pizzazz in your pictures by incorporating natural backdrops. Lean against a tall tree. Stand barefoot on a sandy beach. Guys adore action shots – like you poised to whack the golf ball or tennis ball.
Baggy sweats, shapeless jeans, as well as skimpy, too tight, too sexy clothing emit negative vibes. Neither makes a kick-ass first impression.
Powerful Online Dating Profile Tips
In an article published in XOJane, "Mandy", polled "hundreds of guys" on Tinder, Hinge and OkCupid. She requested that they disclose "straight-up advice" to her. The kind of advice men would never reveal to a woman when face-to-face.
Guy #8 honed in on the written profile. In his opinion, "Describing yourself as attractive, smart or fun is not useful". He wants females to "demonstrate" their attractiveness through profile photos. As for being fun, use your words to show him.
No phrases such as: "I love to laugh", "I love to travel", "I love food". We agree. A guy reading a boring-beige profile like this would have to wonder what the writer doesn't love.
The greatest date sabotage, which appears in around one-half of the profiles, is: "I love to have a good time".
Nobody ever said creating an impressive profile is easy or everybody would make an instant match. Your profile is your marketing tool and you are the product.
Give yourself an attention-grabber username. Don't use your real name or initials (duh!). Pick a username that mirrors something about you, but isn't too cutesy.
Match.com suggests a username that shows you are "comfortable with your profession", such as "WriterGirl". Further, they admonish to steer clear of names that sound high-maintenance, like "princess or diva".
Hook prospective dates with an awesome headline. Online dating consultants advise to avoid anything starting with 'just', such as 'just divorced, dumped, separated', etc.
Try something similar to these headlines we created:
- "Ask me how I became an overnight millionaire!"
- "Let me be your last online date!"
- "Go ahead – make my coffee!"
Put time and attention into your profile summary. No boring, clichés like great sense of humor, enjoy long walks or looking for my soul-mate.
Instead write short vignettes about your life – lessons you've learned or even funny embarrassing moments – to give guys a snapshot of the authentic you.
What are your interests or hobbies? Do you belly dance, square dance or ballroom dance? Are you a chess champion? Do you practice yoga or Tai Chi?
If you had three wishes, what would you wish – drive along Route 66 from Chicago to L.A.…go on an African photo safari… catch the contest-winning fish?
Describe traits you consider admirable and desirable in your ideal guy, not negative traits you consider undesirable.
Get a clue! Do not be tempted to include something like "looks don't matter". Unless they - truly, sincerely, genuinely - do not matter.
Be honest. Just about everyone lies on their online dating profile. You are enough, exactly as you are!
Lies Online Daters Tell
A study conducted by Cornell University found 80% of people lie on their online dating profile. Here are the most common lies researchers uncovered:
Men get taller and women get skinnier. They support their claims with older pictures or (sigh…) photos of other people.
Most men make more money at a glamorous job on their profiles vs. real life. Around 16% of both sexes lie about hobbies to portray a more exciting lifestyle.
Unfortunate But Necessary Online Dating Advice
How to Spot Potential Scammers
Perhaps little lies that online daters tell could be forgiven if the person is basically an upstanding citizen.
But, Internet scammers are dangerous.
Where scammers are concerned, it's not about love, it's all about money. It seems elementary to mention, but ensure you never give out your last name, telephone number, e-mail or physical address or name of your workplace.
Catfishing is prevalent on online dating sites. This type scammer starts with an intriguing profile, using a 'borrowed' identity of someone in the military or a professional who is currently engaged in overseas employment.
Catfishers appear to fall hard and fast for you. Usually they will propose continuing the relationship in a more private place, such as an instant messaging service or telephone.
Just when things appear to be progressing nicely, an emergency will crop up for which they need money. His mother needs an emergency operation; he was arrested on a phony charge and needs money for bail; he was mugged and they got all his credit cards and bank card.
If you don't "bite", he will change his tune to how much he wants to come and visit you, except he can't afford the airfare. If you send money, he continues asking for more. Needless to say, he never shows-up at the airport.
It's a red flag: to receive a message from a 'lonely American' man who claims to be working abroad…when a man appeals for financial aid due to an 'emergency'…when he wants your physical address so that he can send flowers… if he maintains God is responsible for this powerful love connection…when he uses poor grammar…if he blows off your personal questions.
You've Got Responses!
Ohhhh! Happy dance! Somebody likes your profile. How should you answer the first message from an admirer?
Advisors at OkCupid say, "use an unusual greeting". Evidently "hello" in any form won't get you to the gusto. Casual greetings, such as "howdy" and "how's it going" excelled, according to their survey.
Wow them with your words!
How many words? That is the question. Statistics gathered by OkCupid found that 16 percent of first responses are about 400 words.
As for what to write there is no canned formula that fits all. First, study the responder's profile. If you have interests in common, mention them. (OkCupid discovered that when "you mention" appeared in first messages it generated a 48 percent reply rate.)
Treat each reply message with the care and attention it deserves. Genuine compliments rock, but shallow compliments have an opposite effect. Compliment something you read in his profile that resonates with your energy.
Here are words that dating consultants say never to use in your responses: commitment, long-term plans, intimacy, dream date, soul mate, anything connected with sex or about your ex. And for the sake of all that's good, never say, "I don't play games".
Before you send your message, indicate that you welcome his response. Good: Ending with a question invites him to answer.
Better: pose a question about midpoint in your profile. He gets bonus points for reading your profile if he answers the question in his introductory message to you.
You won't even believe this but, in good conscience we must say:
Don't build up your expectations until you've convinced yourself – he is the ONE.
There is not just one guy here on earth for you to love and who will love you back. The guy you are about to meet-and-greet may seem some kind of wonderful on paper, but he still may not be the ONE.
When you have unrealistic expectations, you will appear desperate. Guys sniff-out desperation and run fast.
The meet-and-greet appointment is not a date. It's sorta like an interview, but not an inquisition. Men don't like to be put on the spot. Keep the conversation light.
Discuss favorite activities, hobbies, current events, books, music etc. The purpose is to assess whether there is any physical or mental attraction between the two of you.
Let the silence be. Don't rush to fill in the gaps. If pauses in conversation seem comfortable, you may just have yourself a winner.
So, let's put your smart meet-and-greet together. In an ideal world, pre-date precautions wouldn't be necessary. It's most unfortunate, but predators hide on online dating sites.
Here are basic guidelines to follow to ensure personal safety:
- Never invite him to your home or go to his for your first meeting.
- Plan to meet in a coffee shop that is bustling with people.
- Meet him there instead of letting him pick you up at home.
- Have a friend on standby. Give them the name of the coffee shop and about how long you plan to stay.
- Trust your intuition. If you feel uncomfortable, don't share any personal information and keep the meeting brief.
- If you sense you are being followed, drive to the nearest police station. If one isn't nearby, call police on your cell. There is no such thing as being too cautious
However, since one out of six marriages in the US began online, chances are your date will be a normal guy, who does not have a secret agenda.
If you are having a good time, say something like, "I have to go now, but I would really like to see you again."
This lets him know you are open for a first date. Thanks to your positive attitude, this may the last first date you will ever have to make!
Still confused and need more advanced online dating tips?
Online Allure Formula
What if expert advice came from Michael Fiore's lips to your ears? Fiore, one of our recommended authors, has launched the Online Allure Formula.
" Learn what your online profile is secretly saying to men"
The core of Online Allure is about making your profile alluring enough to attract the "right" kind of man.
In one of the modules, "The Test Date", Fiore walks you through a first date from "Hello" to "Good-Bye".
You can visit the Online Allure Website here.
We have shown you the smart woman's approach to online dating. If you have been unsuccessful in the past, our techniques will help improve your online dating experience.
So, why not mingle in the cyber-dating scene?
Never miss an opportunity to carpe diem with your dream date..