Toxic Men

 

Recognizing Toxic Men and Why it’s Hard to Leave Them

dead field behind toxic men with gas maskIn the first article of our series on toxic relationships, we explored the basic characteristics of toxic people and how to determine when we should dump them.

Now, we will focus on toxic men, how to recognize them and why it’s so hard to leave them.

Toxic Men

His presence lights up a room. He smiles at you and a primal alarm goes off in your head. He’s gorgeous, dressed impeccably and surrounded by a slight aura of danger. This type man is charming and knows how to romance you, in and out of bed.

You’ve gotta get that guy! And the cycle begins. You’re off and running toward that toxic man.

If you’re sick and tired of toxic relationships, the first step is learning to recognize them before getting seriously involved. Before you get addicted to his “good side”.

Mr. Brainiac

Among his traits are: dazzling communicator, witty, wise, intense, gets exasperated with stupidity, knowledgeable, wide-ranging interests, uncomfortable with feelings and insensitive.

This guy is like a living dictionary and likely has an eidetic memory. If you find it difficult to grasp the extent of his brilliance, no worries, he’ll tell you again and again.

High-Intellectual types are typically in academia or on sabbatical to work on their ‘magnum opus’. They likely appear disheveled, but radiate sensuousness. Women who are passionate and emotional often gravitate to Mr. Brainiac to ‘complete’ them.

If you find yourself attracted to a Brainiac, know that a relationship can’t thrive on one-half searching for its other half. Ask yourself if Mr. Know-it-all can keep you warm at night with his high-dollar words.

Mr. Power Monger

Common characteristics of power mongers are: expects to get his way, self-confident, problem-solver, knows important people, reliable, makes decisions quickly and effectively.

Women are suckers for this type guy. You will spend the entire relationship blinded by fairy dust to the extent you’re tempted to bow when he enters the room. When he promises to take care of everything, take him literally. He’ll ambush you by telling you what to wear, what to do and when to do it.

As for physical appearance, think portly, gently-balding man, who should have a wife and three kids in college (and probably does). If you confront him, he’ll just shrug and say, “And why is it your business?”

This is a classic case of a woman seeking a father/protector. Giving away your power to this symbol of greatness will stunt your personal growth. You may admire how he barrels ahead and gets what he wants. Although, once you exert your independence and start making your own decisions, you’ll realize you can get it too.

Mr. Player

Qualities to watch for in the player are: charmer, flatterer, spontaneous, self-centered, manipulative, delicious in bed, charismatic, imaginative. Players have intoxicating ‘bedroom’ eyes. Every word they say, every move they make is carefully designed to attract women. He doesn’t have one woman; he has a stable of women.

His appearance is drop-dead-gorgeous – too beautiful to be a guy. Typical professions of players are tennis instructors, sailing instructors, golf instructors, dance instructors, which are ideal for meeting women.

For the woman who is insecure and desperate for someone to love her, a player is like an elixir she can’t get enough of. The chemistry between them is instant and Mr. Player will swear he can’t live without her. Yet, it’s not in his nature to commit and soon he’ll slip out of her life like quicksilver.

However, choosing a player (temporarily) doesn’t have to be a fiasco. They may awaken your latent sexuality, so that you’ll begin to accept the attractive and worthwhile woman that you are. As long as you’re aware he’s a player, you can accept the giving and getting this type relationship offers. Just don’t make the mistake of ‘falling in love’, because he’ll break your heart. Rather, see him as a fantasy that manifested in real life for a few delicious moments in time.

We’ve illustrated three types of romantic, toxic relationships, which usually aren’t harmful to your physical health. The reason we chose them is to show you that some toxic relationships can represent your life lessons. Learn the particular lesson and it won’t be repeated.

However, we encourage you to get familiar with the traits of toxic people that we explored in the first segment of Toxic Relationships. The real deal is to learn to recognize toxic people and get out while the gettin’s good.

But, it’s hard to leave (some) toxic men, isn’t it?

The ‘secret’ to avoiding toxic men is to wake your-fine-self up. Love the person that smiles back to you in the mirror. Appreciate your great qualities and make an effort to break negative habit patterns. Know that you are enough, just as you are. You don’t need a man to complete you. Creator didn’t make people pieces that must fit together.

Now, let’s explore reasons it’s difficult to leave toxic men. The more you have invested in your relationship, the more excuses you can find for not leaving. Face it, you’re probably addicted to his good qualities. When he says you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever met, when he makes sweet love to you, when he tells you he can’t bear to lose you – all these things make you feel desired and beautiful.

Maybe you’ve become accustomed to the luxurious lifestyle, only he can give you. Perhaps he’s alluded you won’t have fine things and won’t be able to function without him. Being financially dependent upon a toxic man makes it hard to leave him.

Be aware, when controllers, manipulators, liars and even power mongers sense that change is in the air, they will step-up their toxic behaviors until you ‘know what is good for you’.

You can rationalize yourself into staying. After all, you know what to expect from him and you’re scared to make a change, fearing things could be worse in a new relationship.

Perchance you just refuse to believe your initial impression of him was wrong. So, you hang on a toxic man with both hands. If you can make him stay, it will validate that you are loving and loved. That you didn’t make a mistake.

Without total awareness, you may find yourself on an emotional see-saw – leave him, go back, leave again, miss his kisses, go back again.

Could you be Mistaken?

Anything is possible. In a healthy relationship, both partners experience benefits, growth and happiness. A toxic relationship is static; nobody grows and the other partner gets all the benefits. But, the acid test in any romantic relationship is determined by the state of your happiness.

Not that you are supposed to live in a la-la world, because relationships aren’t always fun. But, at the end of the day, in a healthy relationship, you’ll be happy most of the time. If this is not true of your relationship, it’s time to wake up.

Waking Up

 

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