Everyone loves being in love – there is no better feeling in all the world.
It may surprise you to learn that men love this feeling too.
Strange as it may sound, some men are just not aware that they enjoy being in love and, as a result, feel uncomfortable about it.
Men are in and out of relationships for all kinds of reasons.
From wanting a mate, to wanting a mommy or simply because it is expected of them, men and women partner for many similar motivations.
Some of them are not necessarily the right ones, but even when they are, you’ll find men who will draw away from the relationship for no apparent reason, leaving the you stymied about what you’ve done wrong.
Sometimes those reasons are diametrically opposed to how he really feels.
Don’t go off the deep end, as you might feel inclined to do, assuming that he doesn’t like you or is no longer attracted to you just because he’s drawing back from the relationship.
You may be doing or not doing something that has him distancing himself. A lot of guys are not going to talk about these things voluntarily. Men typically demonstrate through actions. Understanding better what men want in their relationships can save a tremendous amount of heartache and of course directly relates as to why some will pull away.
Some men draw away because they actually like you.
Doesn’t make much sense but in some cases, men will draw away because they are beginning to have feelings over which they have very little control.
Understand that this might be uncomfortable for him and before those feelings begin to intensify and expand he may begin to draw away.
He needs to feel secure about your feelings and it’s okay to discuss it - but don’t put any pressure on for him to come back to you.
- Give him some space.
- Reassure him about your own feelings, but make sure that you’re not making him feel the pressure.
- More pressure will likely result in more pulling away.
He’s allergic to commitment.
It’s meant to be stated in an amusing way, but the reality is that some men are just not up for a long term commitment.
They sense that you want one and it feels uncomfortable and possibly threatening to them.
It doesn’t mean of course that he wants to go out with someone else, it just means that he doesn’t want to be tied to any particular relationship.
If you push the envelope and try to get him in line, the chances are that it’s not going to work out.
He needs to feel that commitment is also his choice and pushing him into it isn’t a voluntary or real commitment, it’s your pressure that created it.
Dial it back a notch, relax and just enjoy the experience.
If it’s going to happen it will; pushing it won’t make it happen any faster.
Some men simply are not commitment material.
They want to be, they hope they can be but they simply aren't capable of commitment.
If that's the case there are some things that you can do, and perhaps even work through those issues as a team.
There are, conversely, some things that you might do—or feelings that you might engender—that may actually cause a man to withdraw.
We'll cover a few things that you can examine to see if they might be the causative agent in your guy’s drawing back from you.
If they are, do what you can to correct them. If they are not, talk to him and try to sort it out.
And ultimately, if you can't, you need to decide if it worth clinging to something that inevitably isn't going to work out for you.
The relationship got intimate far too soon.
In many cases the relationship takes off far too rapidly.
Some men can’t deal with the fact that a woman may sleep with them after the second or third date.
If you do, they might think that you’re not relationship material.
Is that old fashioned?
Does it mean that you have to let someone else’s judgment define you?
Not at all, just be aware that there are men who believe that you’re not a good risk for a relationship if you get intimate with them too soon.
IF in fact they do think that way, they are probably still locked into a 1920’s mindset and you’re going to need to have an open discussion for long term compatibility.
He doesn't feel challenged
This one is a little sad.
If you're nothing more than a quarry, and the hunt is the only exciting part for him, it's probably not a relationship that you really want to save or rescue.
In these circumstances where he's not entirely sure of you, he's the one doing the chasing and he will continue to pursue in his quest for a trophy.
When he has achieved his goal and you are no longer a challenge, he can relax and take advantage of the situation. The need to spend time with you and build a relationship becomes less compelling.
Spend some time building your own life and let him build his.
He will either get over it or he won't but in either case, you're not going to change history or cause a change in the relationship by becoming the clinging vine that requires his undivided attention.
The relationship is making him stressed.
There is a certain level of stress that is involved in falling in love or being in love.
The way that stress manifests is different for him than it is for you.
It sounds trite, maybe even a little sexist, but you will usually handle relationship stress differently to him.
Relationship stress rarely makes a woman step away and you are more likely to be open to discussion and finding out if a particular relationship is the one for you.
The dating and mating ritual can actually cause physiological changes in men.
Did you know that it can lower their testerone levels, which causes them to feel the stress even more?
Men have to draw away to some extent to level themselves and their emotions out.
They tend to draw away at a certain point in the relationship to allow themselves to sort out their own feelings and to straighten their equilibrium.
It's not you, it's him!
When this happens in a stable relationship, give him the space that he needs.
Don't chase him or pin him down, but give your guy some reassurance and some breathing room.
He probably needs the time away to sort through his own emotions and deal with the stress in his own way - in almost every case he will be back.
The Good News Is ...
Knowing the potential reasons why your man appears to be withdrawing puts you both in a good place to work things out - one way or the other.
If your relationship is heading in the right direction, the stress, the emotional upheaval and the problems that you're dealing with are a natural progression and should not be viewed as insurmountable.
After all it's not worthing losing what you have both worked so hard to build.
Understanding what you are going through, both as individuals and a couple, allows you to pause, get comfortable with your new status of emotions and then move forward.
If the relationship is worth the time, and the trouble, expend the energy required and continue to work on it.
It will take two but in the long run, what you gain will be worth the time that you spend to build the relationship into a stronger partnership.
Thank you for reading Why Men Pull Away. Comments?